It’s Better Now

Yes! Hello, good barkeep! Does anyone say “barkeep” anymore?

Ah. Ah okay. Well Eamon then. Can you just get me a… let me see. What you got? What you got? Okay. Well moonshine then, I guess. Nothing left from the old world then? Should’ve known. Hard to find anything anymore, and I know because I’ve been looking. Do you know what I really want? I really just want to have some proper soda again. It’s been so long since I’ve had a drink with bubbles in it! You remember bubbles?

Yeah… yeah, I guess. But who cares about diabetes anymore? My boyfriend used to get all worried about that stuff. Hm? Oh, no, he’s dead. He died in the early days. Couldn’t quite cut it like I could. Ended up getting grabbed by a bunch of zombies in the second week. I don’t miss him though.

We were together about four months before it all happened. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It’s been over twenty years though so its not that heartless. We’ve all had someone since then. Or at least most of us. You? Oh, come on, I bet you could have gotten all kinds of ladies out there.

Well, I don’t think the scar’s that bad. Adds character! I think scars are pretty hot. Oh god this stuff’s disgusting. What do you make it out of?

Well… I didn’t want to know that. No, no, it’s fine. I’ll have another glass. Not like there’s anything else for me to drink. Can’t trust water as much as you once could. I think that might be one thing I do sort of miss. I don’t miss much other than running water. Running water was good. And hot showers. Most of the younger ones don’t even know what a shower is. Can’t say I miss the other stuff though.

I don’t know why you’d miss it, man. Well unless you had an actual job! Ha ha.

Investment banker? Ah okay. Yeah, I guess your life was better before the apocalypse. I was unemployed. I had two degrees, because they all said you have to have a university education, but then no work experience. Lived with my mom when the whole zombie thing started. She didn’t last the first week. Not that I much minded, even then. She’d gotten kinda conservative in her later years.

Oh yes, yes, I killed her. Well, I killed the zombie that used to be my mom. My dad lived somewhere else. I’m guessing he’s dead. No idea though. Not so bad. You get over it. The zombie apocalypse really just makes things more focused. I never earned enough to pay taxes but that also means I never had to learn how to do taxes! That’s a skill it turns out I didn’t need.

Oh. Well, sorry about that. Sorry about the wife. I just kind of… I don’t know. I couldn’t afford rent, I couldn’t get a job, and then one day the news says the dead have come to life and I’m like hell yeah! A couple of my neighbours ended up dead because they thought they could reason with the zombies. I mean, hadn’t they seen any movies?! You can’t talk to zombies! They just wanna eat your flesh!

No, you know what, actually that’s nonsense. Everyone always says they crave brains. I’ve never seen a zombie go for brains. Never. Have you? Yeah, exactly! Back before everything fell apart and we still had the internet, did you watch a single horror movie where zombies eat brains? A single one?

Didn’t think so! I don’t know why people insist on saying that. I mean, come on. People still say it and whenever I find corpses the skull usually hasn’t been cracked open. They like to eat what’s right there. Brains are like… maybe brains are like nuts to them. I never could bother eating nuts that had shells. Just seems like too much effort.

Well yes, I’ll eat nuts! But only the ones that have already been removed from those hard casings. Who owns a nutcracker anyway? You from the eighteen hundreds or something? But anyway… yeah, uh, another one, thanks.

My line of work now is just so much easier. No bosses. No commute. I get to travel a lot. No rent! I just live wherever. You know, whenever I find some building that’s secure, I try the taps. I just try. They never work but if I one day find a working shower it’ll be worth it. It’d probably be cold though. Hm. You know what else I miss? Microwaves.

Who cares! Everything’s bad for you, Eamon! What’s a little radiation between friends anyway? Also cheese. I miss cheese. Melted cheese. My god!

Uh… I don’t know. Had three already. This stuff’s pretty strong. I probably need to find a trader and get out of here. I found some stationery earlier today. Maybe some kid would want some crayons. Know anyone with a kid who can pay?

Oh well. Guess I’ll have to go find someone. Thanks for the talk, Eamon. But it’s back to the grindstone for me! I hear there’s some people to the west of here looking to clear an old factory of some zombies. An extra gun should be appreciated, I think. Maybe I can even nab some things inside.

Yeah, you too, Eamon. Have a good evening. See ya. You too. Bye. Hey, Eamon! Hey! Have a good apocalypse, my friend!

L.C. Lupus is a writer from Cape Town, South Africa who has done a few things for a living. Data entry clerk, waiter, cashier, teacher, freelance writer and aspiring fiction person. You can find most of his stuff, at present, on his blog, YouTube and on Twitter. Easiest to find it through Twitter at @LC_Lupus though. He hopes you have a great day further!